I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
