My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
