Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
