Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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