sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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