knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
