I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
