I wanna passion pit in your ass
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
