its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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