I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
