i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
