Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
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