Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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