I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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