you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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