Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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