farters have to be the big spoon...
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
