She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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