I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
