I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
