We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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