Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
