OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
