You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
