she looked like the before picture.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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