To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
We had to coat check the pizza.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
