yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
My balls are so social today.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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