Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
