shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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