If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
