never play flip cup with pint glasses
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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