The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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