so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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