i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
