I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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