woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
