i need an iv and a liver transplant
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Randomize
