meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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