to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
