Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
