Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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