I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
