The brown eye won't let me do that either.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
