You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
