Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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