I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
