Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
