Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
they're like a gay fantastic four
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
