oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize