$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
