toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
