His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
