How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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