when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
