You can't motorboat a personality
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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