How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
