You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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