I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
