apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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