Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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