hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
