did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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