well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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