Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
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