Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
