I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
