I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize